Wilderness Tips

This post is in honor of Erik the Red Johnson who posted a comment asking for
"any advice/tips/anecdotes-where-Richard-gets-burned?" So here it goes.

Advice:
1. Only train enough to be able to outrun the slowest person in your party. This is the most efficient way to survive a wilderness attack. You don't have to train so much that you can outrun the animal, nor do you have to be nimble enough on your feet to escape. You just gotta be that much faster and nimbler than one other person. And people are much less fast and nimble than other animals.

2. When hiking, be sure to put stones or some other heavy object(s) in everyone else's packs. This will help you feel more hardcore when they are the first to get tired during the day. Plus you can blame them when it takes a long time to get anywhere. "Why don't you hike faster, nerd?"

3. When hiking in a hot desert, always be sure to drink plenty of water. The reason for this, of course, is so that if you get too hot you can take off your shirt, pee on it, and wrap it around your head to cool off.

4. Build cities on Rock n Roll.

5. Don't let the voices in your head lead you astray or discourage you. If they do, tell them to shut up. Example: On our way out of the Grand Canyon, I had a Coldplay song stuck in my head, the lyrics of which proclaim "nobody said this was easy now." Gee, thanks. That makes me feel a lot better. Jerks.

6. Don't eat yellow snow.

7. When trudging through snow, make Richard go first to make footsteps. If you don't have a Richard, elect the person with the longest legs. If you are the person with the longest legs, "accidentally" sprain your ankle and make others carry you.

8. Snickers are good for you, eat them often.

9. Make Richard wash his socks 2+ times a day. Else they reek.

10. When life gives you fire, pan-sear the wildlife.

11. There is no such think as a "nice kitty" in the wilderness.

12. Hike with people who are same-footed as you. For example, Richard and I should not have hiked together because he is a lefty and I a righty. Thus when trudging and toiling through snow, Rich would step onto the snow with his left foot first while I would step with my right. We always wondered why it was hard to follow in each others footsteps.

13. Step on logs not over them. Rattlesnakes like to curl up right next to logs and stepping on them alerts them to your presence instead of pissing them off like stepping on them does.

13. Don't read books about giant spiders or wolves or anything that might hunt you down and eat you. Unless they have bud light.

14. Don't get between a mother tourist and her child.

15. Never stand between a man in a suit with a briefcase and his Starbucks.

16. If life gives you a freezing river lake or stream, throw Richard in.

17. If life provides you with a steep paved hill with no cars in sight, skateboard down it.

18. If life blesses you with roadkill, eat it. It is probably better than easy mac.

19. When constipated, eat dried fruit :). Seymour, did you catch that? When constipated, eat dried fruit.

20. KOA campgrounds are in sucky locations but provide untimed showers.

21. When parking in Yosemite, smear your vehicle all over in honey and leave a live elk in your car to prevent bears from disturbing said vehicle.

22. If it is raining and you need a fire, I don't know how to start one but you are supposed to use knots (the joint in a tree where a branch grows from the main stalk) from pine trees for the fire. These will burn even when wet because they have so much pine pitch in them. (for serious here)

23. If you need shelter, bring a Richard. He is a genius with the stiletto...I mean with building shelters.

24. If life brings you a great vista, take a dump. This is Richard's favorite thing to do. Add a map to the mix and he is in ecstasy.

This should be all you need to know to survive in the wilderness.

anecdotes-where-Richard-gets-burned

So, I'm sure you have all heard of the age-old trick of lighting farts on fire. Well when we were down in the Grand Canyon, the night after we ate chili, Richard thought it would be funny to see if he could actually do it. So he left his boxers on and prepared the waterproof matches. When the spirit moved, the gas and fire collided in a poof of destiny. Unfortunately, as we found out, fruit-of-the-loom does not make fireproof nor fire resistant boxers. To find out more, ask Richard about the hole in his speckled boxers and the top of his tent. :) I had no part in this.

Icy Hot

Well, okay. This post is not actually about icy hot. That was just a gimmick to get Erik interested in the post. Well, and it does have something to do with the post. I lied. So sue me. We left Zion the same day we charged the Narrows. Once out of the park, we stopped in a "big city" called St. George, UT to grab something to eat that was not a) Snickers, b) Top Ramen, c) Tortillas, or d) Easy Mac. I think I got my logic right ~( a or ( b or ( c or d) ) ). Amy, check me on that one. So anyways, we stopped at Don Jose's Mexican Food. I got the carne asada tacos and Richard got some Enchiladas. Let me tell you, after you have been eating crap for a week-and-a-half it is amazing how good even a simple taco can taste. After we gorged ourselves, we continued on straight through the desert down into Sin City. Yup, Las Vegas itself, heralded by many a billboard advertising "adult stores," strip clubs, and casinos. All of which did their jobs, might I add, as Richard and I took a couple days to explore the objects of the advertising. Just kidding, mom, I wouldn't do that.... Stupid bouncers.... Then back off through the rest of the desert, sticking to "scenic routes" and byways. Soon we went through Death Valley around 9:00 PM and found out why they call it Death Valley. Even at night you could die from heat stroke. At 9 PM it was still well over 100 degrees. Plus they have these freaky drunken bats that fly right across the road directly in front of the car, narrowly being missed most of the time. We may have killed one or two of them. Sssshhhh. Don't tell anyone. We finally ended up in Lone Pine, CA, the proclaimed gateway to Mount Whitney. There we slept. The next day we zipped on up through the hometowns of Ana and Matthew to arrive at Tuolomne Meadows in Yosemite at about noon. After grabbing backcountry permits and bear canisters, we set out on the John Muir trail to begin our 40 mile trek.The first 6 or 7 miles proved to be fairly easy. The land was flat and went right alongside an alpine river the majority of the time. The only hardships were some scattered mosquitoes and heavy packs laden with all sorts of goodies like top ramen and trail mix. Oh, and at this point in our journey I had not eaten a real vegetable in about a week. Eh, well, I'm over it. As with most of the other places we visited, my scattered words here will not be able to truly and adequately describe the beauty of Yosemite. I will let pictures talk for me. Although even they cannot catch its majesty.After wandering through the cool valley by the river, deftly hopping over snow-fed streams and cricks, we started the long and arduous journey up a mountain. The going was easy at first except for breathing which does not come naturally at 9000 feet, but soon became much more difficult as we started to come upon snow and ice. At some points we had to cross snow fields with water running underneath the snow and ice. By this point in the day, the snow and ice had become quite soft as the day was quite warm. Thus when hoofing it we would sometimes sink in all the way to our hips. Suffice to say, several times I was vividly reminded of the fact that I am a man. 'Nuff said about that.
We camped at about 10750 feet on a little patch of more-or-less dry ground overlooking a frozen alpine lake (into which I threw Richard). Dinner was a glorious feast of top ramen and snickers. So good after 9 miles of hiking and trudging through snow fields. But we slept well and woke up the next morning to head down to Merced lake almost 3500 feet below where we camped. Snow in the morning is much more crunchy than it is at later hours of the day. Thank the Lord.
Over the rivers and through the fields and forests we pranced, past more frosted lakes and monstrous granite slabs with rivers surging down their faces. The Yosemite wilderness proved to be rugged enough to be challenging even for Richard's and my ample amount of wilderness survival skill. But after many hours we finally arrived at Merced Lake where we read our adventure books by a roaring fire and swatted many a mosquito.
Day three had us hiking back up most of the elevation that we had lost the day before. Thankfully there was relatively no snow on our route this day. Just more of the same beautiful wilderness. This day was exciting for me because it was the day I was finally able to *ahem* lighten my own personal load if you know what I mean. It had been four days since my last lightening, coming within one day of my all-time record five days on a backpacking trip with my dad 5 years ago. Good times. Our last night in Yosemite brought us to Sunrise High Sierra Camp, a decently developed backpackers camp at 9500 feet, just low enough for us to have a flickering fire to read by. Okay, so it was more than just a flickering fire. It ended up being so hot that we had to constantly rotate to not burn ourselves. If a bear had been around it probably would have thanked us for baking ourselves rotisserie style.Our hike out the next day proved to be our last in the wilderness for our trip. We were both getting to be quite tired and both wanted some time at home before beginning our lives in the "real world." So we headed up to Sacramento where we stayed with Greg Allen for four days, enjoying the comforts of home and real food. His family was very hospitable to us even though we smelled bad that first day. But that is beside the point. We are both back at home now and are about to go up to Santa Barbara to move into our new apartment with Colin Andrew Eli Daxon, aka Dax the Ax. Or maybe Daxon the Saxon. Thank you for all your prayers throughout our trip. I still have some letters I want to send out, so if you were expecting one and didn't get it, worry not. The best is yet to come.

Love, Grace, and Peace,
-Josh and Richard

PS - I shaved my beard. Check out the pics:
http://picasaweb.google.com/jtholm2003/BeardTrimming?authkey=PIsjsEs1Rtk jkl

Temples and Sacrifices

The Temple of Sinewava, the Altar of Sacrifice, the Sentinel, the Watchman, the Great White Throne, the Court of the Patriarchs; such are the names of stone formations found in Zion National Park. These formations tower high above Zion's canyon floor, making it seem as though the Grand Canyon was taken from its foundation and placed on top of the ground some 150 miles north.



We arrived at the park around 6:00 PM, just in time for the best sunlight to play off of the giant red, orange, white, and black structures. Driving through the park immersed in the golden rays is one of the best hours you could spend in your life. It is truly indescribable.

That night we camped out in a little campground just outside the park to the north of the Springfield, UT post office. Dinner was Easy Mac, about the best worst easiest meal you could put on living out of the back of a car. Funny thing about mac-n-cheese: it is good for about five bites and has you thinking, "hey, this isn't half bad" but then you get to bite six and you realize that it has been playing you the whole time and it really sucks. At least that was our experience. But no matter, the campground offered complimentary 8-minute showers, giving us two little tokens at sign-in. So after dinner I took off and headed up to the restroom/shower area to enjoy my 480 seconds of wet bliss. I entered the first shower stall and decided to test it before inserting my token. With much joy I soon discovered that the shower I chose did not require a shower token even though it was supposed to. After about 20 or 30 minutes I returned to camp, satisfied with my longer-than-expected experience. Richard found his experience to his liking as well. :)

In the morning we headed into the park to check out the sites. Zion does not let you drive a car into the main part of the park, so we took one of the every-6-minutes shuttle buses up to Weeping Rock. Exiting there, we proceded up a 200 yard trail to check out Weeping Rock, a rocky overhang where water seeps down over the course of 1200 years and finally leaks out of the overhang, creating hanging gardens and a cool haven. Suffice to say a 200 yard trail was a stark contrast to the 9 mile+ trails we had been on. After that we headed up to Hidden Canyon, a narrow slot canyon with huge cliffs on either side ending at a free-standing rock archway. The trail up was steep and long, but provided great views of Big Bend and Angel's Landing. For part of the way, the trail is basically 3 feet wide, chiseled into the side of a thousand foot cliff with nothing but a chain to hold onto. Awesome.

Later on in the day we hit up the Emerald Pools. Emerald Pools is a series of three tranquil reflecting pools, the highest of which is fed by water seeping through yet another rock overhang. While we were up at this pool, we were getting a little bit tired of simply walking everywhere. There was a trail which led up to the top of a 500 foot cliff starting at the pool, so we decided to charge up it and see what was at the top. Right on the edge of the cliff, there was a man with a little stand of climbing equipment. For $10 the dude would let you rappel down this freaking huge cliff. So I looked at Richard and he looked at me, then I looked back at him and him at me, and we said "you bet your sweet boopie we're gonna rappel. So we did. The picture shows me descending the last 100 feet or so. If you are ever up there, you HAVE to try it. You will NEVER regret it.

Thus our adventures ended for the day. The next day we headed up to the Temple of Sinewava at the top of the canyon to a place called the Narrows. This is another slot canyon that the Virgin River runs through. All the way through the canyon, the river flows a mere two to three feet deep, a perfect trudging depth. So trudge we did, right up the center of the meandering Virgin River in the shadows of stone giants. The cool river felt nice in contrast to the warm Spring-Summer day.

After traipsing up and down the Virgin River (causing it to be devirginized? :/ ) we departed the mormonic landscape to seek cooler and higher adventures. Zion treated us well, though, and for that we were grateful.

Grace and Peace,
-Josh and Richard

PS - we didn't actually rappel down that huge cliff, those were other guys.
PPS - my ~!@#$%^&*(ing tooth fell out our first night in Zion whilst I was flossing.

The Vertical Mile (or close to it)

No, Richard and I are not dead. Quite the opposite, in fact. I-I, I feel so alive! For the very first time.... (who can name the song and the band?)

Well, enough of the dilly-dallying, on to the meat of the post. We are quite sorry for how long it has been since our last post, but you have to realize, there really aren't many Starbucks between the Grand Canyon and Yosemite when you are constantly taking the "scenic route." But here we go.

There are some things in life that are just beyond words. One is God. Another, the Pyramids, and still another, the Grand Canyon. As Richard so aptly put it, the Grand Canyon cannot even fit in the imagination. Gigantic ridges, like giants' sprawling fingers bump and wind there way down almost a mile, from the canyon's edge to the freezing river at its core. At first glance, it seems an impassable crevasse, both in width and depth (deep, and wide; deep, and wide...). The fact that there are trails down into the canyon is truly impressive.

When we first arrived, we exited our vehicle at the main tourist spot by the visitor center to take a peek over the edge. Hordes of hawaiian shirt-clad large people, as well as snivelling younglings were gawking around everywhere we looked. After pushing a few of the more annoying tourists over the edge (hee hee), we proceded to a more secluded overlook right around eventide. One of the coolest things to see is the Grand Canyon at twilight, let me tell you. Since there were few people around, we decided to have dinner right there on the edge of the canyon, something of a miniature tailgate party. We busted out a camping stove and two cans of Stagg chili, watching the great orb slowly descend into its mystical abode in the West. The highlight of the trip for me so far has been skateboarding unclothed at sunset on the edge of this great abyss. :) Try not to get any visuals! And don't worry, in the picture on the right I am fully clothed (so you can stop trying to zoom in on it to check Melissa!). Just kidding ;)

That night we headed into a little hole-in-the-wall shanty town known as Cameron, AZ. If Tucson is the anus of Arizona, this for sure has to be a close second. We tried to find a decent place to camp, to no avail, and finally pulled into a Chevron to ask if there were any campgrounds around. The cashier said "$9.50". Dazed and confused, we were like, huh? Apparently they consider the back of the gas station a campground. With no other options, we said, whatever, and slept in the front seat of the car behind the sketchiest gas station in America. Thankfully we were only there for a few hours.

In the morning, we high-tailed it out of there around 5:00 to begin our adventure into the canyon. We got started around 6:30 to descend the 4400 vertical feet to the bottom of the canyon. The trail we took was called the "New Hance Trail," an unmaintained trail that we were several times warned against taking. Like that would stop us :). It starts with switchbacks on the nearly vertical wall near the edge of the canyon, quickly descending 1000 feet in a single mile. The quick descent quickly turned our thighs to jelly and we quickly thanked the Lord for Trekking Poles, the without-a-doubt MVPs of our trip. Temperatures for the day started at about the mid-sixties and briskly warmed up to about a hundred degrees. Thankfully, we descended to the nethermost regions of the behemoth canyon in a mere four hours.

I loved the bottom of the canyon. The Colorado River is surely one of the most impressive rivers that I have ever seen and our trail ended right at a rushing rapid. One of the great pleasures in life is getting to the end of a long hike and dipping your toes in some freezing, rushing water. This time proved to be no exception. Since we arrived fairly early in the day, we had a long time to just sit, read, journal, and just donk around in general.

Richard, not liking heat (weirdo), took the ground fly for his tent and created a makeshift beach umbrella out of two trekking poles and a few rocks. Such is the soul of an engineer, I imagine.

We also had the chance to see about seven or eight rafts come and shoot the rapids where we were camped, entering the rapid sideways and abruptly swinging the raft straight at just the right moment to safely navigate the narrow passages.

As we were in one of the hottest places in the Southwest, we were not thinking too much about the weather since we assumed it would be hot. Hot, hot, hot. So we did not bring a rain-fly for the tent, almost leaving us wet as large thunderclouds formed above us. Thankfully, God kept us dry for the night, although we were quite worried for a while.

The next day we hiked the 4400 vertical feet back up to the edge of the canyon. No small feat, let me tell you. A funny thing about the Canyon, where most places body mass increases the lower the elevation, here body mass increases with higher elevation. All right, that was not as profound as I wanted it to be, but whatever...shut up, I am not a loser. Nerds.

After the hike out, we enjoyed a lunch of tortillas, oranges, and tuna and headed on up to Zion National Park. And that is for another post.

Thank you for all of your prayers regarding my grandparents and us. The fire came within half-a-mile of their cabin, but was stopped at the point, thank the Lord. They returned to their home last Sunday! Many blessing on you all. We love and miss you.

Grace and Peace,

Josh and Richard

Fire and Fatigue

The steady tut...tut...tut of trekking poles striking rock and dirt is slowly fading away into the soft acoustic music of Starbucks. Richard and I are sitting in Flagstaff, AZ about to head up to the grandest canyon of them all. The last few days have provided more adventure than even we were expecting! As we neared our first destination in the car a few days ago, we were greeted with a brush fire that almost closed down the road leading to my grandparent's cabin. Thankfully the cavalry had already arrived and were taking care of everything. Just to dispell any myths about its cause, Richard and I did NOT start it (I know what you were all thinking). Later that night, we headed up to the top of a mountain to check out the sunset and just donk around.

The next morning we headed out at about 6:00 AM to start hiking Arizona's own Highline Trail, a fifty mile long trail that has existed since the early 1800's. We busted out the first four miles in under an hour and twenty minutes but then got slowed down mainly due to heat. AZ is having a massive heat wave right now that we got caught in the middle of. Joy. By the end of the day we had logged between seventeen and eighteen miles, camping by a little creek under an eternal blanket of stars. Suffice to say, we were pretty wiped out after hiking that many miles in one day, so instead of trying to overwork ourselves and potentially ruin the rest of the trip, we decided to hike back to town. So we trekked over to a road and caught a ride down to another road leading into town. We trudged down this for five or six miles until another gracious soul gave us a ride back to our car.

In the end, it was a good thing that we hiked out early. The morning after we set out, the trail was closed due to a huge fire on the latter part of the trail, the exact part that we would have been trying to cover that day. Had we continued on, we could have either gotten caught right in the middle of it. Please pray that the fire is extinguished soon, as it is very close to where my grandparent's home and cabin are.

The tour begins

Hello all. Richard and I have never done a blog before, so bear (or maybe bare in my case) with us as we experiment around.

Tomorrow Richard and I depart for our grand adventure of 2007. To start off, we are heading to my grandparent's cabin up in Arizona to try and tackle a 50 mile trail in two days. Since this is our first stop, we aren't going to push it if we aren't feeling up to it, but hey, we'll give it a go! Then we head up to the Grand Canyon, Zion National Park, Yosemite, the Lost Coast Trail, and then end at Mt. Shasta.

We are going to try and post pictures when we can, hopefully once or twice a week, so stay tuned and hold on to your forks...the best is yet to come!!!

Much love,
Richard and Josh